Tonight I went mountain biking for the second time ever, the first time in over a year, and the first time with people who know what the fuck they're doing. Holy crap y'all, mountain biking is terrifying! And I was only on a semi technical trail on a city park in Houston. Houston! Where if you want a "hill" the Kemah bridge or a parking garage are pretty much your only options.
Whatever, it was totally fear inducing. Tight turns bordering steep precipices. Small woodland creatures ready to pounce at any moment. Wicked dips strewn with rocks and roots. People who actually know what they're doing coming at you at a high rate of speed from the other direction while you're just trying to stay upright. OK, so there weren't any actual rabid animals about but the rest of that is true. I never thought I'd miss assholes trying to run me over, car doors opening as I pass, bottles of insect repellent and pizza slices being thrown at me and broken glass all in whatever bike lanes my side of town actually has, but shit, I know that mess. I have the finest toned middle fingers you've ever seen. Alas, middle fingers mean nothing when you're in the middle of the woods trying not to take a header into a tree.
I did have to walk my bike up a couple inclines and I racked myself more than once on the handle bars, but I in fact did not run into any trees, fall off any precipices, or run into any other riders. I even stayed upright (or mostly upright) the entire time. SUCCESS!!