She was just joking right? I mean, she had to know that it was really me and she was just pulling my leg. I sent her back a quick email asking if she was serious. She was.
Oof. I think an actual punch to the gut would have hurt less.
Admittedly, a big part of my subsequent hurt came because those weren’t just anyone’s words she was attacking, they’re mine. And it wasn't just some random person on the internet saying these things, she's a friend who knows I don't hate men. But it also hurt because I chose my words carefully. From the time I first put pen to paper until I hit submit in blogger, I was crossing stuff out and deleting whole lines and tweaking words and phrases left and right. Because I know not all men are monsters. My letter wasn’t meant to condemn men, but to tell them that at least one person expects men to be responsible for their own actions, even if society doesn’t.
When I wrote several months ago that,
Doctors (once again) are trying to protect women from themselves, when the evidence clearly shows that we do not. need. protecting.
No one commented back to me that not all doctors are like that and I shouldn’t tar all doctors with the same brush. Instead the comments were along the lines of, “You’re right, doctors shouldn’t do that. We need to call out that doctors who do that and support the doctors who don’t.” So what the fuck is the difference now that the subject is men?
And you know what, Dear Het Men wasn’t even about me. Yes, I’ve experienced some of what I wrote about, but what woman hasn’t?
Dear Het Men was about:
The women killed or injured by Sodini.
The Amish girls killed in Pennsylvania.
The women who interact with these men.
The women of Polytechnique.
The 1 in 6 women who are raped.
These women and their families.
The girls and women attacked with acid just for going to school.
These missing women. And these. And these. And these.
Women and girls who are raped as a tactic of war.
Every Woman and girl who spoke up here.
The girls forced to be child brides.
And every woman and girl who sees their bodies treated as less than every day of their lives.