tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63903658747027571212024-02-07T19:35:01.294-06:00The Bike Groggerybike groggettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02701471958360631859noreply@blogger.comBlogger61125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6390365874702757121.post-38682920355368397582013-03-11T00:42:00.000-05:002013-03-11T00:42:25.919-05:00Rape is a choice made by rapists, not victims<i>Trigger Warning for details of rape.</i><br />
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When I was 19 my then-boyfriend raped me. It took over 5 years before I was able to call it rape to myself and another year or so after that when I could call it rape to other people. Even now it is sometimes hard for me to refer to it as rape. Why? Because it was "gray."<br />
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He was my boyfriend. I went with him back to his room. I drank with him. I made out with him before. I kept on dating him afterwards. I kept on telling myself this and never told anyone else the details because it was just so... gray. Except, it wasn't. What I didn't constantly remind myself, although I never forgot, was how many times I told him no. And how many times I pushed, or tried to push, him off my body. Or how he took off the condom instead of stopping when I told him it hurt.<br />
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That five years of not being able to call a rape a rape fucked me up more than the original encounter. People I slept with after him suffered for it. People who actually did care about my consent and couldn't understand why I was suddenly crying uncontrollably when just moments before I was seemingly enjoying sex with them. I couldn't understand it either. I had done this before, after all, so why now was every part of my being screaming no?<br />
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Why did it take me more than 5 years to call what happened to me rape? Because I followed the fucking rules. Yes I went with him back to his place and drank with him, but this wasn't a stranger, this was my boyfriend. We had been dating for awhile before this and had been friends for even longer previously. He was one of a group of friends who would walk me back to my dorm at night so I wouldn't have to go alone. No where in those rape prevention rules did it tell me some guys would game those very same rules.<br />
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Last week on Fox News, Zerlina Maxwell basically told people to stop telling women what to do to prevent rape and to tell men not to rape instead. For this she was inundated with <a href="http://talkingpointsmemo.com/archives/2013/03/this_is_a_kind_of.php">rape and death threats</a>. How fucked is that? She's right though, the current rules don't work. People can follow the rules and some asshole can still rape them anyway. And what if you don't follow the rules? It's drilled into us throughout life that if you don't follow the rules you need to be prepared to suffer the consequences. But rape is the action of the <i>rapist</i>. Why are we giving (potential) victims rules to not have <i>someone else</i> rape them? The only thing that rules to prevent being a rape victim accomplish is to let society wash its hands of people who didn't follow those rules and had <i>someone else</i> do something horrible to them. It's just an added bonus that it also shuts up some people who did follow those rules and were still raped by someone else because well, I followed the rules so that couldn't have really been rape, right?<br />
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We don't lay the blame on sober people who are hit by a drunk driver even if it's on New Years Eve or St. Patrick's Day. Instead there are national campaigns to tell people that buzzed driving is drunk driving, programs are implemented in high schools to warn the dangers of drunk driving, programs like Tipsy Tow exist, cab numbers are plastered in every bar, and even public transport sometimes runs later than usual on holidays associated with drinking. Everyone realizes that the decision to drink and drive lays solely with the drunk driver, but when someone tries to apply the same reasoning to rapists.... butbutbut not all men are rapists and that won't work and you deserved to be raped anyway.<br />
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"If you see something, say something."<br />
I've heard this saying in various incantations throughout my life. It's been used by companies I've worked for in regards to safety issues. It's part of the reasoning behind whistle blower laws. It's said specifically by police in my neighborhood in order to reduce the number of car break-ins they've seen recently. The reasoning is that as a society we can help reduce (if not eliminate) some of the shitty things that happen to us just by paying attention and speaking up when <i>other people</i> are doing something that can cause harm. I bring this up because that's what I've always seen the "teach people not to rape" message as. Accountability.<br />
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"Teach people not to rape" doesn't assume all men are rapists anymore than MADD assumes everyone is a drunk driver or "No Smoking" signs assume everyone smokes.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<a href="http://bikegroggery.blogspot.com/2009/08/expecting-men-to-not-be-assholes-does.html?showComment=1251594099226#c9159405663915971090">Not everyone needs to be told, but you tell everyone because there's no way of knowing before hand who does need to be told.</a></blockquote>
Instead, it clearly lets people know (at least some of) the boundaries and gives other people a voice to call out others they see breaking the social contract. Moving from "here's how not to get raped" to "here's how not to rape" not only shifts the blame rightly from the victim to the perpetrator but also encourages other people to step up and say to a (potential) rapist, "hey what you are doing isn't cool and you need to stop." Yet somehow suggesting this shift warrants rape and death threats.<br />
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I don't know if that shift in rules and blame would have stopped my college boyfriend from raping me. Like I said, he knew the rules and gamed them to his advantage. But it would have saved me more than five years of hell. And a shift <i>will</i> save future rape victims from the same torment because the blame will be squarely where it belongs, on the shoulders of the person who chose to rape.<br />***<br />
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Related watching: <a href="http://jezebel.com/5989825/sir-patrick-stewart-violence-against-women-is-learned">Patrick Stewart on how violence against women is learned.</a> I know Jezebel is a problematic site for a variety of reasons but this is where I first saw it posted and highlights one of the more pertinent quotes. The way rape prevention rules are now sets up a culture of silence that protects rapists, not rape victims/survivors. bike groggettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02701471958360631859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6390365874702757121.post-33100746118264524702013-01-24T19:36:00.001-06:002013-01-24T19:36:18.068-06:00I Have Male Friends, & This Isn't an AnomalySeriously. Evidently people are still confused by this whole concept of grown ass people being friends with each other, most recently in <a href="http://www.rolereboot.org/sex-and-relationships/details/2013-01-can-married-women-have-single-male-friends">this ridiculous article </a>on Role/Reboot ("Make sense of men & women" is their subtitle. I can't even). Let's break down the stupid, shall we?<br />
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1) Her opening paragraph describes her amazing friendship with a man. SHE DISPROVES HER OWN FUCKING HYPOTHESIS BEFORE SHE EVEN STATES HER HYPOTHESIS. She answers her own question in the fucking lede but then tries to prove the opposite is true. I just... why did she write this again? <br />
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2) Queer people, I'm sure you'll be absolutely shocked to learn that you once again don't exist. Following Leslie Rasmussen's train of thought though, you'd have to believe that coupled gay men and lesbians are only friends with people of the opposite gender and bi people have only their partner to rely on because they just can't be trusted around anyone. <br />
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3)<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"maybe there's a lack of interest because our partner meets that need we have for getting attention from the opposite sex."</blockquote>
I am not friends with <i>anyone</i> just for any (presumed sexual) attention they may give me. And if anyone is friends with me for that reason? Well they're not really my friend because, dude, that's hella insulting. I am friends with the (female AND male!) people in my life because they are awesome people. Awesomness, like shit lordness, knows no gender.<br />
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4)<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"Or it could be that the wives of our old male friends were less than
thrilled that we were in their husbands' lives. I know I wouldn't have
liked my husband having a close friendship with another woman, unless
she looked like a Furby if the Furby was having a bad hair day."</blockquote>
Jealous bitches be jealous.<br />
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5) There's also this assumption that being "just" friends means there's absolutely no sexual attraction, ever, the entire time you know the person. I am "just" friends with a few of my exes. And with people I used to sleep with, either on the regular or just once and then we realized that wouldn't work for us. And with people I crushed hard on for a bit but decided the friendship was worth more to me than acting on a fleeting crush. And people I did act on the crush on, and we went back to just friends (after some brief awkwardness) when it wasn't reciprocated.<br />
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This is probably the place to point out that non monogamous people also don't exist. Or maybe in point 4 where it's assumed everyone (haha ok, just women) gets jealous when their partner is with someone not them.<br />
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There's probably plenty more stupid to go around but really I just feel sad that the author holds this rather depressing worldview. To throw away the friendship and love of people based solely on their gender seems like a lonely way to go through life.bike groggettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02701471958360631859noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6390365874702757121.post-27976447510280094112012-07-03T13:11:00.003-05:002012-07-03T13:13:11.315-05:00Houston's New Sin TaxHouston politicians seem intent recently on running anyone they find undesirable out of town. First it was the noise ordinance and bans on feeding the homeless, and now it is making stripe clubs solely responsible for ending the city's rape kit <a href="http://www.ellencohen.org/2012/06/ordinance-to-clear-rape-kit-backlog-passes/">backlog</a>. Maybe the city council thinks it is "cleaning up" our city, but somewhere along the line they forgot that homeless people are still human beings deserving of respect, that arbitrary and subjective noise bans are likely unconstitutional, and that the Catholic Church, <a href="http://www.aljazeera.com/indepth/opinion/2012/07/201272111335441624.html">the</a> <a href="http://abcnews.go.com/Blotter/air-force-dozens-recruits-targeted-sex-assault/story?id=16678457#.T-45FPVwyQZ">military</a>, <a href="http://www.invw.org/sexual_assault">schools</a>, prisons, <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2012/07/02/us/pennsylvania-penn-state-paterno/index.html">athletic organizations</a>, and <a href="http://www.policemisconduct.net/?s=rape">the</a> <a href="http://www.copblock.org/1813/rapists-with-a-badge/">police</a> are all directly responsible for more rapes than a strip club.<br />
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The flaws in the <a href="http://www.freepresshouston.com/?s=noise+ordinance&x=0&y=0">noise ordinance</a> and <a href="http://www.freepresshouston.com/featured/criminalizing-charity/">food sharing ban</a> have already been covered in detail, but the rape kit backlog hits a lot closer to home for me. I've been raped. I have friends who have been raped. If we go through the grueling process of coming forward and subjecting ourselves to a <a href="http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/sexist/2010/04/07/whats-in-a-rape-kit/">rape kit</a>, then we deserve to have the evidence help speak for us. The rape kit backlog across the country is absolutely horrifying, and it helps to keep more victims from coming forward. If the powers that be don't test the kits anyway, and therefore the case goes nowhere, then what's even the point?<br />
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I completely agree with Ellen Cohen that the city's rape kit <a href="http://www.chron.com/news/houston-texas/article/HPD-rape-case-backlog-is-far-worse-than-feared-2082206.php">back log</a> is something that desperately needs to be addressed, but a sin tax is not the way to solve the problem. For one thing, it's likely that some of the $5 per customer charge will trickle down into the fees <a href="http://jezebel.com/5835073/judge-rules-that-taxing-texas-strip-clubs-doesnt-violate-free-speech-rights">dancers</a> have to pay to be on stage. The Houston city council members voted for this tax because they find this particular line of work, and it's customers, distasteful. What they (maybe) don't realize is that they are also effectively saying that women who work in this industry and are also rape victims deserve to have to pay for their own justice. This is also the second "pole" tax that Cohen has put forward. The money from that, earmarked for programs to help sexual assault victims, has been <a href="http://www.chron.com/news/houston-texas/article/Strip-club-fee-likely-to-land-in-court-3668316.php">tied up in litigation</a> since the first measure passed. This new tax will likely go down a similar route. Cohen knows that not a dime of this legislation will go towards alleviating the backlog for years, if ever. Yet she still claims that this tax is for victims. Her reasoning behind passing the tax (that there is a direct link between strip clubs and sexual assault) has never been proven, even in the <a href="http://www.salon.com/2012/05/27/taxing_strip_clubs_for_rape/singleton/">study commonly cited</a>. The thinking behind this measure is the same that went behind our (thankfully now overturned) bans on sodomy and sex toys, that since "good" people don't do these things, we don't have to worry when we punish the "bad" even if they're not actually doing anything wrong.<br />
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I am not naive. I know that the adult entertainment industry is not all sunshine and roses and all about empowering women. Sexual trafficking and assault do exist, and they exist in the industry. Those aspects need to be dealt with and shut down, but strip clubs are not responsible for the rape kit backlog, here or anywhere else in the country. They should not then shoulder the responsibility for the city's fuck up. And it is the city's fuck up. If the city council actually cares about this backlog and the people who are now being victimized a second time because of it they would make room in the city budget for it. They don't, so they won't.bike groggettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02701471958360631859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6390365874702757121.post-86825695527390147522011-01-21T09:06:00.004-06:002011-01-21T09:16:38.674-06:00The Awesome Diversity of Human BodiesI <a href="http://aidosaur.tumblr.com/post/2843020105/character-body-type-lineup-roundup-heres-the">found</a> <a href="http://aidosaur.tumblr.com/post/2811955241/character-body-type-lineup-girls-boys-will-be">these</a> <a href="http://aidosaur.tumblr.com/post/2827544179/character-body-type-lineup-boys-a-continuation">links</a> in my morning webcomic round-up that were based on these <a href="http://ninamatsumoto.wordpress.com/2010/12/18/athletic-body-diversity-reference-for-artists/">photographs</a> of Olympic athletes.<br /><br /><blockquote>Like many others I tend to fall into the trap of drawing the same body type over and over for athletic characters. This photoshoot serves as awesome reference reminding us artists that strong bodies come in all kinds of shapes and sizes and muscles show up in different ways. It also helps us keep in mind that not everyone who is fit is also lean. <br />-Nina Matsumoto</blockquote><br /><blockquote>These sorts of things are important. Artists: this is a good exercise! <em>It’s good for you.</em> <br />-Yuko (emphasis mine)</blockquote><br />And my favorite headline about this: <a href="http://thefullybelly.wordpress.com/2011/01/21/do-you-want-a-body-like-an-olympic-athletes/">Do You Want a Body Like an Olympic Athlete’s?</a><br /><br />Enjoy!bike groggettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02701471958360631859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6390365874702757121.post-39993091756659169132011-01-05T21:40:00.003-06:002011-01-05T22:37:12.442-06:00Ethical Sluts<i>My friend <a href="http://kitoconnell.com/">Kit</a> is hosting a read along of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Ethical-Slut-Practical-Relationships-Adventures/dp/1587613379/ref=pd_sim_b_1"></i>The Ethical Slut<i></a> right now at his blog. The <a href="http://kitoconnell.com/2010/12/21/tes-intro/">Introduction</a>, some <a href="http://kitoconnell.com/tes-background">personal background</a>, and <a href="http://kitoconnell.com/2010/12/30/tes-1/">Chapter 1</a> are already posted, and Kit's thoughts on Chapter 2 will go up sometime tomorrow. Here are my thoughts on what has been discussed so far.</i><br /><br />The first time I referred to myself as a slut, I was around 16 years old. You see, that was the first time a boy had gone down on me, <i>and I liked it.</i> In my Catholicism addled brain that obviously meant I was a horrible person and all but irredeemable. Then I went off to college, and while I still wasn't having PIV sex, I was making out with guys and giving and receiving oral sex and going back to the guys' places and all round being a "dirty little slut". And hating myself for it. <br /><br />It took several years (and breaking with the Catholic Church) before I realized that enjoying sex isn't a bad thing. And neither is being a slut.<br /><br />My experience with polyamory luckily wasn't as fraught. When I went off to college I broke up with my high school boyfriend because I wanted to experience everything college had to offer (read: make out with lots of dudes) without feeling guilty or hurting someone else. I latched onto the concept of "friends with benefits," even before engaging in PIV sex, and (mostly, see earlier) enjoyed the hell out of it. I certainly didn't have the ethical part down yet though. I got back together briefly with that high school boyfriend and wound up cheating on him, while still caring deeply about him. It was about that time that I realized monogamous relationships weren't for me, but I didn't know yet that there was an alternative. What can I say? I'm not the brightest bulb.<br /><br />After I graduated, I started casually dating a guy I went to college with. He kept on trying to push for a romantic* relationship with me and I kept on telling him, honestly, that I had no desire to see only one person at a time (in fact, he knew I was also casually dating someone else at that time). Finally one night he said he was OK with that and suggested an open relationship. It took me about 2 seconds to realize that this was the counter option to monogamy that I'd been searching for, and I've been happily polyamorous since.**<br /><br />Enter <i>The Ethical Slut</i>. I don't remember if someone recommended this to me or if I just stumbled upon it at a book store, but this book was a godsend for me. It may not be the best book on polyamory on the market, but it was the first (or at least the first main stream book) and the books that came afterward, like <span style="font-style:italic;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Opening-Up-Creating-Sustaining-Relationships/dp/157344295X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1294286931&sr=1-1">Opening Up</a></span>, owe a huge debt of gratitude toward <i>The Ethical Slut</i>. Like the book says, <blockquote>Ethical slutdom is a challenging path: we don't have a polyamorous Miss Manners telling us how to do our thing courteously and respectfully, so we have to make it up as we go along.</blockquote><br /><i>The Ethical Slut</i> is a book about the multiple variations of polyamorous relationships (oh yes, there are several), but really it can be applied to any relationship style (possible exception, <a href="http://kitoconnell.com/2010/12/30/tes-1/#comments">asexual relationships</a>) that you want to be based on mutual trust and honesty.<br /><br />*****<br />I have lost friendships due to being open about my polyamory. Told that I use people and am, yes, unethical, strictly because of this. But I feel that any relationship based on open communication and meeting (or at least trying to meet) the needs of <i>all</i> participants can't help but be an ethical one, and I have no regrets about no longer counting those people among my friends. Not understanding my lifestyle is one thing; actively judging me because of it is a whole other level. <br /><blockquote>We see ourselves as people who are committed to finding a place of sanity with sex, and to freeing ourselves to enjoy our sexuality and to share it in as many ways as may fit for each of us.</blockquote><br />Sounds totally debased, nefarious, and unethical, right? Sluts are just people. We have the same faults and make the same mistakes as anyone else. Polyamorous people are no better <i>or</i> worse that monogamous people. <br /><br />I can't wait to see what Kit has in store for us with this read along. <br /><br />* For the sake of ease, when I refer to "romantic" relationships I mean the typical boyfriend-girlfriend (or boyfriends or girlfriends) / spouses / partners dynamic, and if I refer to "sexual" relationship I mean something more along the lines of friends-with-benefits or play partners.<br />** Leave it to me to find one of the guys who's all about polyamory but still finds a way to cheat. Word to the wise: Telling one partner (no matter how many times she says it's OK and even encourages you to do so) that you aren't seeing anyone else, while telling your other partner that your first partner is monogamously*** minded and can't deal with polyamory is NOT FUCKING ETHICAL! <br />*** I can't say how much it amuses me that the blogger spell checker recognizes monogamous, monogamy, and even fucking monogamously, but not polyamory or polyamorous.bike groggettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02701471958360631859noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6390365874702757121.post-5352335173907899952011-01-05T21:35:00.003-06:002011-01-20T10:16:16.292-06:00Further Proof That Women (Specifically Black Women) Don't MatterOverheard at the bar tonight:<br /><blockquote>Everyone's saying how we don't talk about Haiti anymore... Fuck them. They're over there raping and pillaging. Raping all the girls... Let them do their thing. I have no sympathy for them. </blockquote><br />Excuse me while I go vomit.bike groggettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02701471958360631859noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6390365874702757121.post-79112551266479674152010-12-17T16:10:00.002-06:002010-12-17T16:24:58.768-06:00Bus v. Bike: The Full Story<strong>Friday, December 3:</strong> I’m riding one of my bikes down to see some friends of mine play at Rudyards. A little before 10PM when I’m on Lawndale by the cemetery, I hear a bus coming up behind me. The bus <a href="http://bikegroggery.blogspot.com/2010/12/good-sad-and-ugly.html">passes within a foot of me</a>, almost causing a serious accident. And just for full disclosure’s sake, there wasn’t another car on that 4 lane road at the time and I was to the right side of the right lane. The driver intentionally rode as close to me as they could even though they had another whole lane to move into that wouldn’t have slowed them down in the least (not that they’d have an excuse for treating my life as callously as they did even if there was other traffic).<br /><br /><strong>Saturday, December 4:</strong> I call into Houston Metro to file a complaint about the driver from the previous night. From the very beginning, Christian seems completely unconcerned that a Metro driver almost intentionally killed someone. He tells me there is nothing Metro can do because I wasn’t able to get the bus number, even though I told him the time and location. I told him I wanted a phone call back from a supervisor and left my contact information. Christian gives me no clue on when I can expect a call back and repeats again that Metro can’t do anything about it.<br /><br /><strong>Sunday, December 5:</strong> I call back into Metro and again speak with Christian. I ask why I haven’t received a call back yet and then am told that the supervisors don’t work on the weekends and I’ll get a call within 3 days starting on Monday. I immediately ask him, “You are saying that I’ll get a call back no later than Wednesday?” and he agrees, I’ll get a call within 3 days. Then I say I have the bus number now (I looked up bus routes as soon as I hung up from the 1st call and found out that there is only <i>one</i> bus that goes down Lawndale), before I can say what it was Christian interrupts me and says that he knows, it’s the 36 and that’s the only bus that goes that way…. OK, that’s not at all what he told me the day before. I again tell him where the near-accident happened (this time I told him the closest bus stop) and what direction the driver and I were heading (he didn’t bother to ask that the first time) and now Christian tells me they can find the driver who I said did this and investigate the situation.<br /><br /><strong>Thursday, December 9:</strong> After receiving no phone call from Metro the previous 3 days I call in and <i>again</i> speak to Christian. Now he tells me that I’m supposed to receive a phone call within 3 to 5 business days of the original complaint.<br /><br /><strong>Friday, December 10:</strong> Call back into Metro again in the afternoon since this is day 5 and I don’t want to wait until Monday to find out what’s going on. I finally speak to someone besides Christian, who now tells me I’m supposed to have a complaint number. What? I was never given one in my previous 3 phone calls. She’s able to look up my complaint anyway using my name and tells me that no supervisor has even looked at it yet. She offers to put me through to someone’s voice mail and I lose my cool. I yell at her that it’s absolute bullshit that Metro doesn’t seem to care that one of their drivers almost killed someone, and why is it taking a week for someone to even look into this? She says that I must have misunderstood her and I let her patch me through, but I understood perfectly. She wasn’t putting me through to someone who could finally get to work on my complaint, she was putting me through to someone’s <i>voicemail</i>, when who knows when that person would check their messages. As it turned out, I couldn’t leave a message anyway. A menu would cut in after a second into my attempt to leave a message asking me to send the message as is or rerecord. It was impossible for me to leave a message past, “hi, my name is –“.<br /><br />I hang up and call back into Metro again, this time getting Erica. This is the first person I talk to at Metro who actually sounds concerned about what happened to me and my lack of getting answers. She tells me that Christian should have never given me the (multiple) time frame(s) he did, that it’s actual Metro policy to return a phone call within 3-7 days (sigh). She then offers to transfer me to her supervisor but when I tell her about what just happened with the previous person I talked to and the nonexistent voice mail she actually stayed on the line with me until her supervisor was actually able to take my call without sending me to voicemail.<br /><br />Now I’m talking to Antoinette and repeating my original complaint and all the new complaints I have about the misinformation and runaround I’ve been getting from Metro for the past week. Like Erica, she seems legitimately sympathetic to me and apologizes to me profusely. Antoinette also tells me that there was a note in my complaint file that someone tried to call me for additional information but that person was unable to get a hold of me or leave a message (remember I was told not half an hour before, that no one had even looked at my complaint yet). Now, I did receive a missed call earlier in the day, but there was no message left and the number wouldn’t accept incoming calls and I told Antoinette this. Whoever called me before was perfectly able to leave a message for me, they just chose not to. She then offers to transfer me to Carla R., who is allegedly the person who is actually handling my complaint. I stop her and tell her about the voice mail debacle earlier and she assures me that Carla’s voicemail works and that she is in charge of my complaint and will get back to me as soon as possible. I let her transfer me and I leave a message, explaining the clif note’s of what’s happened and asking her to call me back ASAP. <br /><br /><strong>Monday, December 13:</strong> I <i>finally</i> receive a call back from Metro, but it’s not from Carla R. (unfortunately I missed this guy’s name at the beginning and didn’t think to ask him to repeat it), it was from possibly the smuggest asshole Houston Metro employs. He apologizes for how long this has taken, but he was out of town and then he had jury duty and call backs usually take 8 days (lolwut?) anyway. He says that they talked to the driver and the situation has been handled. I ask him how it’s been handled and he tells me he can’t tell me that. He then sighs and says, “Well would it make you <i>feel</i> better if I told you the guy was fired?” Thanks asshole, this has nothing to do with my <i>feelings</i>, and has everything to do with how I was almost killed the weekend before and Metro seems utterly unconcerned about it. I then ask him what kind of training their drivers have to share the road properly with cyclists and it’s clear from this guy’s answer that he has absolutely no clue about the legal rights of cyclists on Texas roads. Great. <br /><br />*******<br />So a Metro driver intentionally tries to run a cyclist off the road. It takes over a week and 6 phone calls for anyone to take it seriously and then… they still don’t take it seriously. I was just expected to take this guy at his word that the driver involved was disciplined after being repeatedly lied to by Metro employees. And the worst part is, I <i>will</i> see that driver again, unless he or she was actually fired. If I want to ride into downtown or Montrose (where I spend most of my time when not at work or home), I have to take Lawndale or else go several miles out of my way. I’m going to fear for my life every time a bus passes me in that area when I’m doing something I love to do and doesn’t hurt anyone. Thanks Houston Metro!<br /><br />If anyone sees a Houston Metro bus driver take the lives of cyclists or pedestrians into their hands, or you just want to know why they didn’t take seriously what happened to me, please contact them at 713-658-0180 or http://www.ridemetro.org/AboutUs/ContactUs.aspxbike groggettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02701471958360631859noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6390365874702757121.post-83288934899484963912010-12-11T10:59:00.003-06:002010-12-11T11:29:51.107-06:00The Good, The Sad, and The UglySince I still have bike in the blog title and a bike picture as my avatar I figured I should give an update on things bike related in my world for the last few months.<br /><br /><u>The Good</u><br />Some generous soul has taken pity on me and filled a hole in my heart I didn't know I had by donating to me a unicycle. Now I just need to learn how to ride a unicycle.<br /><br /><u>The Sad</u><br />I gain one wheel and lose 2. I sold my pink baby to a friend of mine. Hopefully she can treat her with the respect she deserves and actually get her out on the streets of Houston more than I ever could (doing 15-20 miles round trip on a cruiser that's not quite my size is not something I want to do, no matter how pretty my ride is).<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://s3.amazonaws.com/twitpic/photos/full/196548332.jpg?AWSAccessKeyId=0ZRYP5X5F6FSMBCCSE82&Expires=1292087934&Signature=7e6LHTLGhcgXoE1lJOKKSdtUqAU%3D"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="http://s3.amazonaws.com/twitpic/photos/full/196548332.jpg?AWSAccessKeyId=0ZRYP5X5F6FSMBCCSE82&Expires=1292087934&Signature=7e6LHTLGhcgXoE1lJOKKSdtUqAU%3D" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />Farewell, my love. You are in good hands now.<br /><br /><u>The Ugly</u><br />I'm currently in a fight with the bus system (Metro) of Houston. See, I am of the belief that I shouldn't have to worry about being intentionally killed by a bus driver when I'm utilizing my legal right to ride a bicycle on a city street. They evidently disagree. Or at least are undecided... I'm still waiting on a call back from my complaint.<br /><br />Seriously, last Friday a bus came within a foot of hitting me. 12 fucking inches, and yes, it <i>was</i> intentional. Let me count the ways this driver could have killed or seriously injured me:<br /> *Could have clipped me with the side mirror.<br /> *Could have startled me enough to make me veer off course, either causing me to crash into the curb, or crash into the bus and end up getting run over.<br /> *Could have sucked me under the wheels of the bus with the draft as the bus passed (seriously, I was fighting the draft hard).<br /> *Could have misjudged their distance from me and hit me straight on, or run into me as they passed.<br />It was my ability to confidently ride a bike and <i>pure fucking luck</i> that kept me from being killed last Friday. The driver intentionally tried to drive as close to me as they could and it could have easily turned into a disastrous situation for me. <br /><br />I've called into Metro 4 times now and each time I get different information about when I should be receiving a call back about what they are doing about this situation. Up until my last phone call with them yesterday afternoon, I have gotten nothing but the run around and false information about what is happening with my complaint. The last person I talked to even claimed that there was a note in my file that someone did attempt to call me but they were unable to reach me and leave a message. Bullshit. I did get one missed call on Friday, but whoever it was that called then <i>did not</i> leave a message, not could not.<br /><br />It's not that hard Houston Metro. (At least) One of your drivers is intentionally endangering the lives of other people on the road. It shouldn't take a week or longer to try to "resolve" this. Get on the fucking ball.bike groggettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02701471958360631859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6390365874702757121.post-10160050419120731712010-11-28T11:21:00.003-06:002010-11-28T11:26:47.050-06:00Oh JoyAnother social medium for me to get sucked into for a short amount of time before I just kind of forget about it like all the other ones! That's right, I be <a href="http://twitter.com/neverdidlikeyou">atwittering</a> now.bike groggettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02701471958360631859noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6390365874702757121.post-46421040227895689222010-11-04T18:11:00.003-05:002010-11-04T18:24:28.081-05:00ShoopI did a lot of coming of age in the mid 90s, which meant that for an R&B fan like myself, I had a lot of strong female role models to listen to at the time. En Vogue, TLC, Queen Latifah, Salt N Pepa. Their songs helped form the soundtrack of my life before college. One friend even bought me a Salt N Pepa cd she found at a garage sale one time for a buck... until she got the urge to open it before giving it to me and realized she bought me a Salt N Pepa cd case for a buck. I love their music and I never thought I'd ever get the chance to hear any of them live.<br /><br />Imagine my surprise today when I found out that Salt N Pepa are playing in Houston this Saturday night! And it's not just them, they're headlining for Doug E. Fresh, Naughty by Nature, Kid & Play, and a few others. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!? Holy crap, it's like someone went into 12 year old me's brain and pulled out a Best Of compilation concert.<br /><br />But I'm not going to the concert.<br /><i>record scratch</i><br />Whaaa?<br /><br />You see, that same night, at the same time, in a different part of Houston, Loretta fucking Lynn is also playing. And I'll be soaking up her awesomeness instead.<br /><br /><br /><br />Seriously though, couldn't their camps join together and put on the most awesome concert ever instead? There's still time!bike groggettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02701471958360631859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6390365874702757121.post-81959500120618584072010-10-23T10:24:00.003-05:002010-10-23T11:04:03.196-05:002 bicycle videos and an update to the employment updatePure awesomeness (via <a href="http://chiccyclist.blogspot.com/">chic cyclist</a>):<br /><object width="560" height="340"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/rVELTxKRoHA?fs=1&hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/rVELTxKRoHA?fs=1&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="560" height="340"></embed></object><br /><br />And after going through a ton of Mark Ronson songs on youtube yesterday I'm going to have to go and buy some of that fool's music.<br /><br />******<br />New <a href="http://davidreport.com/blog/201010/the-invisible-airbag-bicycle-helmet-hovding/">helmet design</a> (via <a href="http://www.toxel.com">Toxel</a>):<br /><object width="560" height="340"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/d7Oud3iGXWY?fs=1&hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/d7Oud3iGXWY?fs=1&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="560" height="340"></embed></object><br />I like that people are trying to come up with alternatives to helmets (full disclosure: I usually don't wear a helmet myself unless I'm going for a long distance ride), and after seeing this video, I have more faith in this design than I did just hearing about it. <br /><br />Two things in this helmet's defense that I've already seen people question:<br />1) It's a one use thing. Well yeah. Technically a normal helmet is too. You should get a new helmet after a crash because the structure has been damaged.<br />2) On the face plant crash, the helmet ended up not adequately protecting the dummy. Same thing for a regular helmet. I knew a guy who had his jaw wired shut for a month because he hit the road face first in race crash. Unfortunately nothing's going to really protect you in that kind of crash.<br /><br />Now for the downsides as I see them. Obviously there is the cost, but if this design picks up and really becomes feasible, the cost will drop. My second concern is if people decide that this design means they can wear normal hats or have some extreme updo (such as the super high ponytail in one of the pics at the link). In the video on one of the slo-mo shots you can see that for just a fraction of a second, the helmet catches on the <i>smooth</i> head of the dummy as it inflates. Hopefully the designers have or will test out the helmet with stuff that will impede the inflation so they see if it still works just the same. Lastly, and this one's mostly personal, I live in an area where it's 90+ degrees for half the year and always significant humidity. I'm not wearing some thick ass thing around my neck as I bike!<br /><br />******<br />And now for the update to the employment update:<br />I'm staying employed at my current job through the end of the year. Woot!bike groggettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02701471958360631859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6390365874702757121.post-43056124549481449092010-10-11T09:40:00.002-05:002010-10-11T09:47:34.615-05:00Happy Columbus Day!<object width="640" height="390"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/il5hwpdJMcg&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&version=3"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/il5hwpdJMcg&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&version=3" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="640" height="390"></embed></object><br />via <a href="http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2010/10/11/reconsider-columbus-day/">feministe</a>, transcript available at the link.<br /><br />More information on the worthlessness and insult of this holiday at <a href="http://www.racialicious.com/2010/10/11/telling-the-truth-and-community-accountability-on-columbus-daythanksgiving/">Racialicious</a>:<br /><br /><blockquote>In my opinion, it’s not as if the information does not exist out there which explicitly states that no, Columbus was never even near the continental mass of what’s now known as “America”. The “great” navigator that he was didn’t even know where he was going and never washed up here – ever.<br /><br />What he did do with the full backing of the voyage was ensue genocide, apartheid, and colonization – all whose affects are deeply entrenched in existing assimilative federal policies, hierarchical societal structures, and the realities of Indigenous communities here and around the world.</blockquote>bike groggettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02701471958360631859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6390365874702757121.post-75077844231337531762010-10-09T12:38:00.002-05:002010-10-09T12:42:38.012-05:00Employment UpdateI <a href="http://bikegroggery.blogspot.com/2010/09/nooooo.html">mentioned</a> a little over a month ago that come October 1st of this year, I'd be out of a job. Well, it's October 9th now and I'm still employed. For now. I got a one month reprieve that keeps me working until the end of October, and there's a chance I can get another reprieve that take me out to December, possibly even next March. I'm not out of the woods yet, but it's nice to have even just a little more time to hunt for a new job and save up money in the mean time.<br /><br />*fingers crossed*bike groggettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02701471958360631859noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6390365874702757121.post-61825021021730893192010-09-18T09:21:00.005-05:002011-03-14T11:20:33.422-05:00Rape<blockquote>When it comes to naming sexual violence, too many of us are like frogs in a pot of slowly heating water – by the time the violation rises to the level of rape, the victim-blame has been heating around us so slowly for so long that we don’t even notice we’re boiling. And so, when an interviewer asks us if we’ve been raped, we say no, even if we’ve just described to that interviewer the details of a rape that was perpetrated against us. -<a href="http://www.amplifyyourvoice.org/u/Yes_Means_Yes/2010/9/14/Whats-In-A-Name">Jaclyn Friedman</a></blockquote> <br /><blockquote>People wonder why women don’t “fight back,” but they don’t wonder about it when women back down in arguments, are interrupted, purposefully lower and modulate their voices to express less emotion, make obvious signals that they are uninterested in conversation or being in closer physical proximity and are ignored. -<a href="http://fugitivus.wordpress.com/2009/06/26/another-post-about-rape-3/">Harriet Jacobs</a></blockquote><br /><i>Both quotes pulled from <a href="http://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/2010/09/14/the-boiling-frog-principle-of-boundary-violation/">Thomas's post</a>. Please read all three links.</i><br /><br />I've mentioned before here, other places on the web, and in face-to-face interactions with people that I've been raped. But I've never given any more detail than, "I have experienced rape." I've also mentioned here and everywhere else that I've experienced attempted rape. That one I'm not hesitant at all to share all the details. The assault itself, the subsequent trial, the <a href="http://bikegroggery.blogspot.com/2009/08/blame.html">shame</a> I felt, my distaste for a "justice" system that would parole a serial rapist after only 5 years of an already pitiful sentence and why there had to be another victim before he got the life sentence he deserved.<br /><br />The attempted rape is easy for me to talk about. Fuck, change the line of trees he jumped out from behind to some bushes and I actually experienced a stranger jumping out of the bushes with a weapon. Give me back my virginity and my attempted rape is a goddamn trope people. But that one's easy, because that one was "acceptable". My actual rape... not so much. And it goes back to what Jaclyn and Harriet talk about.<br /><br /><blockquote>Here’s a situation every woman is familiar with: some guy she knows, perhaps a casual acquaintance, perhaps just some dude at the bus stop, is obviously infatuated with her. He’s making conversation, he’s giving her the eye. She doesn’t like him. She doesn’t want to talk to him. She doesn’t want him near her. He is freaking her out. She could disobey the rules, and tell him to GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HER, and continue screaming GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME every time he tries to step closer, or speak to her again. And then he will be all, “I was just talking to you! WTF!” and everybody else will be all, “Yeah, seriously, why’d you freak out at a guy just talking to you?” and refuse to offer the support she needs to be safe from dude. Or, the guy might become hostile, violent even. Ladies, you’ve seen that look, the “bitch can’t ignore me” look. It’s a source of constant confusion, as soon as you start budding breasts, that the man who just a moment ago told you how pretty you are is now calling you a stupid ugly whore, all because you didn’t get in his car.<br /><br />OR<br /><br />You could follow the rules. You could flirt back a little, look meek, not talk, not move away. You might have to put up with a lot more talking, you might have to put up with him trying to ask you out to lunch every day, you might even have to go out to lunch with him. You might have to deal with him copping a feel. But he won’t turn violent on you, and neither will the spectators who have watched him browbeat you into a frightened and flirtatious corner. -Harriet Jacobs</blockquote><br />I was taught to scream "No!" and fight back.... when a stranger popped out of the bushes at me. So I screamed no and fought back when a stranger popped out of the woods at me. But I was also taught to be deferential, to be "nice", to not interrupt other people but to not say anything when men interrupted me, that my opinions don't matter, that my boundaries don't matter, that <i>I</i> don't matter. And I learned those lessons just as well as I learned the scream-no-and-fight-back lesson. Better, actually, because that was was drilled into me every day of my life. So I followed these other rules, and a man was able to rape me <i>because</i> I followed those rules. My first PIV sexual experience was rape.<br /><br />And I couldn't even see it as rape! It took me years of uneasy feelings about it to realize why it was those experiences never sat right with me. And like the women mentioned in Jacyln's piece, I thought I wasn't affected by what had happened to me either. Again, the attempted rape was "easy". There were the nightmares that were an obvious PTSD result that I still have from time to time. There was the immediate rage, and the depression that took a little longer to materialize, but all of that was obviously and justifiably tied to what happened to me. The actual rape? It's not like I went through years of self loathing and self destructive behavior when I first started having sex. Or like I flinch any time someone touches my arm or leg uninvited. Or that I get incredibly uncomfortable when a date or lover tries to kiss me repeatedly in public. Or that I <i>still</i> feel like I have to play nice with some guy who won't pick up on my obvious cues to leave me alone (or ignoring it when I flat out say, "I am not interested in you.") when what I really want to do is break his face on the fucking bar. Oh wait....<br /><br />*****<br /><blockquote>But the issue of boundaries is not an individual issue of what one rape survivor did or didn’t do. .... Rapists look for the spots where boundaries cannot or will not be enforced. They don’t really care why. They are opportunists. They do what works. They can’t be changed. And we sure can’t wait around for the people who can’t defend their boundaries to change it; they’re doing what they can with what they have where they are. More than that, the boundary violations tend to work by degrees, so that the little ones build the foundation for the big ones, and by the time the rape happens the rapist stands on a stepladder of disempowerment. -Thomas</blockquote><br />It's a societal problem, yet somehow again and again the entire onus of responsibility is put onto the victim (usually women). Yeah, tell me one more "joke" about how women control sex and access to it. Tell that to my face when I've told you I've been raped. When I say I still can't enjoy sex as openly as I would like because that makes me "unrapeable" in some people's eyes.<br /><br />The one thing that every rape has in common isn't the clothes the victim was wearing, or the height of the heels on the victim's feet, or the presence of violence, or alcohol or drugs, or the gender or orientation of the victim. The one thing that every rape has in common is the presence of a rapist.... and a society that will support the rapist more quickly and more often than the human being who was victimized.bike groggettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02701471958360631859noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6390365874702757121.post-26198983170586532712010-09-17T22:22:00.000-05:002010-09-17T22:23:47.233-05:00So I had this dream last nightI was hanging out with Tyra Banks and some other people at a beach house. We were goofing around swimming and such when I realized I really <i>really</i> had to pee. I figured it would be bad form to pee in the pool with Tyra Banks right there so I start trying to find a bathroom. Then the typical dream shit started happening where all the characters and settings in your dream somehow conspire together to fuck up your chances of doing whatever it is you want to be doing, whether that’s running from something, trying not to be all naked in front of everyone, or in my case, trying to take a piss. So like I said, Tyra wouldn’t leave the pool so I couldn’t just pee there, and I didn’t know where the bathroom was, and then the doorbell kept on ringing and for some reason I had to answer it every time. The first time it was someone selling gallon jugs of water door to door and I tried to tell her that we were good on the water front when Tyra and all the other people came up behind me like, “No, we could really use some water right now!” and I was stuck between the door and this woman selling water to Tyra Banks and her friends. Then I just decided to take a piss in the kiddie pool that was hanging out on the front stoop of Tyra Bank’s beach house when another woman showed up, this time selling tamales. It was around this time that I actually woke up and realized that I needed to pee so bad in my dream because, well, I <i>actually</i> needed to pee that bad. No clue on what the tamales meant though.<br /> <br />I’m pretty sure that at some point during the night I also had a dream about cleaning my toilet. Really subconscious? This is how you choose to entertain yourself at night? More Tyra and tamales and less toilet scrubbing next time, please.bike groggettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02701471958360631859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6390365874702757121.post-66253331224798529542010-09-04T10:53:00.001-05:002010-09-04T11:50:04.804-05:00Proof I (used to) Have Some Artistic AbilityI never actually took a drawing or painting class until I was out of college, so when I was growing up I had to improvise in my art "lessons". A lot of my early sketchbooks (and class notes) are filled with the backs of peoples heads or clandestinely drawn figure drawings of people laying down in a park. When I was in college I decided I needed a little more practice drawing faces and fine details but you can't really do that and expect people not to notice you staring and subsequently get creeped out by you. Instead I took to my collection of CDs and LPs and recreated the images that fascinated me in some way or another. Here is my collection of that cover art.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrroV4PwV-TWMenlbgaDw_Vkj5lmbGQWnQ0xyKTjfYmFvNxJ5fc5GUu8AUVb3cXypr3jRMsNWmwB9y-wu94wneoc7WfilPq6FK0h471epcRMan2AV9v-fpB2w-6oRtQJvynXAESm0ephp-/s1600/AlbumArt_Underdog.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 235px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrroV4PwV-TWMenlbgaDw_Vkj5lmbGQWnQ0xyKTjfYmFvNxJ5fc5GUu8AUVb3cXypr3jRMsNWmwB9y-wu94wneoc7WfilPq6FK0h471epcRMan2AV9v-fpB2w-6oRtQJvynXAESm0ephp-/s400/AlbumArt_Underdog.jpg" border="0" alt="Underdog"id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5513082296530177394" /></a><br /><i>Audio Adrenaline's <a href="http://www.music-lyrics-chord.com/cover/Audio_Adrenaline_Underdog.jpg">Underdog</a></i><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSxwBwaQ0SX1gjeJYvPgTtrEnMZs5Vd4oUomWcdrVpKiNGBlfmRnxi0OtKlII56mnx8pOCyDTsjnl3ihAgrgCf72Zg6pXVx21Nksdm0QnfCnZ2LbK1BRvcq7ioOWRVJugaxv95oIORlBCO/s1600/AlbumArt_Urban_Cowboy.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 244px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSxwBwaQ0SX1gjeJYvPgTtrEnMZs5Vd4oUomWcdrVpKiNGBlfmRnxi0OtKlII56mnx8pOCyDTsjnl3ihAgrgCf72Zg6pXVx21Nksdm0QnfCnZ2LbK1BRvcq7ioOWRVJugaxv95oIORlBCO/s400/AlbumArt_Urba_Cowboy.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5513082288858601426" /></a><br /><i><a href="http://open.salon.com/files/urbancowboy1241146245.jpg">Urban Cowboy</a>, John Travolta</i><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnJpFEpDoXpBfFKlac498KssY0-7WeEsbyERiR-Nq3EqYR8hf5mzDqQ7CoV9zsMuiovPy2pMA1c6S8UBW2fR9yC3x8taPj9Y7g3kZLaFjFDAZckTU1kF3bC76N4vIIQEDXM3T6oKXPD-o0/s1600/AlbumArt_Rumours.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 234px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnJpFEpDoXpBfFKlac498KssY0-7WeEsbyERiR-Nq3EqYR8hf5mzDqQ7CoV9zsMuiovPy2pMA1c6S8UBW2fR9yC3x8taPj9Y7g3kZLaFjFDAZckTU1kF3bC76N4vIIQEDXM3T6oKXPD-o0/s400/AlbumArt_Rumours.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5513080114253958018" /></a><br /><i>Fleetwood Mac's <a href="http://www.dance-lyrics.com/ama/rumours_b000002kgt.jpg">Rumours</a></i><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqZSvJE1lG7SAnQp3aUMMko7PHxvvO8gZwZu2ApynKO3IV-7CQfBX2Aly7sWNtGorUUkD6G1HVFPGxAUIOmME_3HnaE_BeRQhdlB0Sis_Yi6l0T34IcKO4S-qrYC56tr0yvcv2c8DsFcX3/s1600/AlbumArt_A_Man_and_a_Woman.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 246px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqZSvJE1lG7SAnQp3aUMMko7PHxvvO8gZwZu2ApynKO3IV-7CQfBX2Aly7sWNtGorUUkD6G1HVFPGxAUIOmME_3HnaE_BeRQhdlB0Sis_Yi6l0T34IcKO4S-qrYC56tr0yvcv2c8DsFcX3/s400/AlbumArt_A_Man_and_a_Woman.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5513080107056410034" /></a><br /><i><a href="http://www.brazil-on-guitar.de/bilder/femme_a.jpg">A Man and a Woman</a> (still one of my favorite drawings I've ever done and a damn good album to boot.)</i><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjI9SeIG5LMi6KBYhtTRwkGd565UN_4w38TOTZ0AIDf8RUvSLlGtBl5rX7AYF7Y6pwdxPgOkgLQPzU1b6mLPsD-I_qcfg-pQ_ZCSsLrXNBoJKWZewI0O6ZJIysv55se6HNdnCU9l3eWQ2N/s1600/AlbumArt_Happy_Days.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 231px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjI9SeIG5LMi6KBYhtTRwkGd565UN_4w38TOTZ0AIDf8RUvSLlGtBl5rX7AYF7Y6pwdxPgOkgLQPzU1b6mLPsD-I_qcfg-pQ_ZCSsLrXNBoJKWZewI0O6ZJIysv55se6HNdnCU9l3eWQ2N/s400/AlbumArt_Happy_Days.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5512885756878770322" border="0"></a><br /><i>Happy Days Are Here Again (couldn't find an album image online)</i><br />This woman that I painted from the cover of the Happy Days album (The happiest record ever made!) was only my second attempt at water colors and while there's certainly plenty of mistakes in it, namely the foot and face, I'm strangely attached to it. Especially considering my first attempt at watercolors ended up looking like this:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizc1R8C-X2iJaSva19kCrarW5o7NIqBOEy1f1gUxzsmmhz-RfzHpt7d2Z5U-rzKfedeMUmiVL9Io2HjG_hyphenhyphenLkxOxg3_eKRI4PM7JHuMTcdTD_HaXW6AYylxB55hbiAu3bxtOqhMwx4Oylu/s1600/crappy_watercolor_flower.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 398px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizc1R8C-X2iJaSva19kCrarW5o7NIqBOEy1f1gUxzsmmhz-RfzHpt7d2Z5U-rzKfedeMUmiVL9Io2HjG_hyphenhyphenLkxOxg3_eKRI4PM7JHuMTcdTD_HaXW6AYylxB55hbiAu3bxtOqhMwx4Oylu/s400/crappy_watercolor_flower.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5513085711655228434" /></a><br /><i>The ugliest water color flower known to man.</i><br /><br /><br />Thanks to <a href="http://www.clickpictony.com/">Tony</a> for taking all the pictures.bike groggettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02701471958360631859noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6390365874702757121.post-39574521593253928402010-09-02T22:13:00.003-05:002010-09-03T08:00:00.834-05:00Now I just have to figure out what I really want to doSince I seem to be on a posting storm right now anyway...<br /><br />I went to the Women of Texas Art Show in Houston on Friday, the day I found out I was getting laid off. I found this painting waiting there for me and knew I had to take it home with me where it could give me inspiration.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglwlofwo2kAaGMOVoc6OuUA79Rj4X2M88g8qngPtZEHg4_YEOwLyIsJwgQw1NqeH7jPG-Z8ba98GTSXbDYQCAC28rgJovXLM8T2INJhjq9Uaw37Xm3f65zba3hdxmI7eQTtKLhkD339Wbv/s400/heart+and+hand_edited-1.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglwlofwo2kAaGMOVoc6OuUA79Rj4X2M88g8qngPtZEHg4_YEOwLyIsJwgQw1NqeH7jPG-Z8ba98GTSXbDYQCAC28rgJovXLM8T2INJhjq9Uaw37Xm3f65zba3hdxmI7eQTtKLhkD339Wbv/s400/heart+and+hand_edited-1.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br />If you get a chance, check out the rest of <a href="http://www.colorflystudio.com/">Jennifer DeDonato's</a> stuff. It's amazing.bike groggettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02701471958360631859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6390365874702757121.post-83487439040652045602010-09-02T19:47:00.005-05:002010-09-02T19:57:33.563-05:00Yep, It's Like That<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.leftycartoons.com/wp-content/uploads/street_harassment1.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 625px; height: 1250px;" src="http://www.leftycartoons.com/wp-content/uploads/street_harassment1.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><i>Street Harassment, <a href="http://www.leftycartoons.com/">Barry Deutsch</a><br />Click picture to see full cartoon if it's cut off for you like it is for me.</i>bike groggettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02701471958360631859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6390365874702757121.post-91034302162137955392010-09-02T18:42:00.002-05:002010-09-02T18:54:20.227-05:00Nooooo!Sooo. Yeah. <br />On my second day back at work from <a href="http://bikegroggery.blogspot.com/2010/08/yesssss-part-1.html">my</a> <a href="http://bikegroggery.blogspot.com/2010/08/yesssss-part-2.html">vacation</a> my manager called me into his office to let me know I was going to be in the first round of layoffs as our contract ended. As of right now, come October 1 I'll be unemployed.<br /><br />This news wasn't completely unexpected. I knew our contract would be ending soon and I haven't been completely sitting on my ass about finding a new job (only mostly). I do have a backup, "crap" job lined up that will keep me paying the bills on time and on insurance. And I got a full month's notice, a lot more than most people get when being laid off. <br /><br />But I'll be unemployed in a month. And I don't have a lot is saving right now. And I don't want to have to work that crap job if I have an option not too (it's crap for a reason). And I am <i>terrified</i>.<br /><br />Even my grad school plan (which I still very much want to do) has to be put off for at least another year because I freaked myself out looking at admission rates for the programs I'm interested in and ended up not doing the things over the summer I wanted to do that would have made me a better candidate for applying this fall. <br /><br />I don't know. Maybe this is the perfect time to get out of Texas, or at least back to Austin (I love you Houston, but you and I need a <i>break</i>). I just hope I at least have a few options to choose from as September ends. In the mean time I'll be plastering my resume anywhere and everywhere... Anyone know of any engineering openings right now?<br /><br />So that's my depressing post for the month. But isn't this at least better than having me write about pegging like I've been thinking about doing? ;-)bike groggettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02701471958360631859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6390365874702757121.post-37561636535214236782010-08-30T18:57:00.004-05:002010-08-30T21:23:37.073-05:00Yesssss! (Part 2)When we hit Watkins Glen (the town I was going to spend the night in a hotel in), the brothers headed on to the camp site while the rest of us headed to Watkins Glen State Park to see the water falls. Um yeah,it was gorgeous and well worth the side trip.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://nysparks.state.ny.us/parks/images/a9da6cc9-0acd-4f41-85f4-311eea70bab9.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 186px; height: 280px;" src="http://nysparks.state.ny.us/parks/images/a9da6cc9-0acd-4f41-85f4-311eea70bab9.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br />The next morning I set out to rejoin the group, after backtracking a tad to pick up the sunglasses I left at the place I ate the night before. It was a short but hilly ride, especially towards the end. I did have to walk up a few more hills but I figured out a strategy that ended up working fairly well for me. I would ride until I felt like my quads were about to pop out of my skin, usually focusing on a point on the road and telling myself I had to bike until <i>at least</i> that point, if not farther. Then I would get off the bike and walk, stopping and resting whenever I felt I needed it. And as soon as the hill started to level out, or at least get a shallower grade, I would hop back on the bike and start the process over again.<br /><br />The rest of the "rest day" was fairly uneventful. A few of us drove into Ithaca (Eric's wife was with us now with her car) and grabbed a few more groceries. When we got back to the campsite, we found that the guys who had stayed behind had found a lot of blackberries and apples in the forest. That night we had berry cobbler and apple sauce to go along with the evil corn whiskey and various boxed wines we picked up in Ithaca and it was all delicious (even the corn whiskey).<br /><br />Day 6 continued the turnaround for me and was awesome. I was really hitting my stride and didn't have to walk up a single fucking hill all day long! Hooray me! We did have a strong headwind that day, but it was nothing compared to the climbs of the previous days. This was also our longest day but I was feeling so good I was able to pull our pace line for a good 5 miles, my cadence and speed staying pretty steady.<br /><br />Back to the headwinds for a moment, these are their own form of torture for cyclists. You feel like you've gone pretty far based on the amount of effort you're putting out, but then you look down at your bike computer or map at a rest stop and realize you've only gone 2 or 3 miles, if even that much. Disheartening.<br /><br />The night we camped um, somewhat illegally, on the coast of Lake Ontario. We didn't even start a fire that night took make it that much harder for any wandering rangers to spot us. In the middle of the night we figured out why camping isn't allowed in that particular park. Evidently there's some prehistoric creature that roams around at night, making lots of noise, sniffing around, and generally scaring the shit out of unsuspecting illegal campers. Or it was some deer. Whatever. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/3/3709721_6101784d7f.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 267px; height: 342px;" src="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/3/3709721_6101784d7f.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><i>Our night time friend.</i><br /><br />On the last day of riding, this weak ass managed to conquer all hills again! There was one last vicious hill just a few miles from Eric's house that I had to stop about 2/3rds of the way up, but that was less due to ability and mostly because I turned to look back and when I turned around again I realized I was about to run into the curb. I took a few seconds to regain my breath then started pedaling again and finished that shit. A few more miles and that was the end. Over 300 miles in one week.<br /><br />A few end of trip notes: <br />I think my bike computer tops out at 42 mph. I hit that speed at least twice, possibly 3 times (I didn't look down again after I hit 40 that last time) and I swear I was still accelerating one of those times I looked down and saw 42. What the hell bike computer?<br /><br />I <i>need</i> (OK, just really really <i>want</i>) a touring frame the next time I do something like this. I don't think it's a coincidence that the only 2 people who got flats (raises hand, twice) were the people on road frames with road tires.<br /><br />I did a much better job of packing for this trip than I did for Texas 4000 where I mailed a box of stuff home halfway through the trip and left some other things in a church donation box. The only clothing I didn't use was my bathing suit (bike shorts and sports bra FTW) and the only things I over packed on were food and fuel for cooking... 2 things I'd much rather over pack than under pack. Also, forgoing the sleeping bag for this summer trip ended up being a safe bet. A sleeping bag liner and thin sheet, combined with my spare clothes on the colder nights got me by just fine. The one thing I do want to get for future trips is a headlamp. It's an additional thing to pack, but they're small, and it would have been so much more manageable than the bike headlight I was using. Having both hands free can be a useful thing. I should probably also invest in a one-person tent at some point in the future. The 2-person I have is surprisingly small and light, and it was great on the two nights it rained when I could just bring my gear inside with me, but it's still way more space than I need when I'm the only one in it.<br /><br />All that said and done, I'm already planning my next bike trip. <br /><br />The rest of my time in Rochester once the biking was over was slow and relaxed and oh so pleasant. The entire trip was a blast and a much needed break for me. I'm glad I got the chance to hang out with old friends and to just get away from the hecticness that has been my work recently. I was joking around with Eric and the others that since my work contract ends soon I was going to go back to work on Thursday to find a pink slip on my desk. Sadly, I wasn't that far off.bike groggettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02701471958360631859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6390365874702757121.post-5919084228469379762010-08-30T05:45:00.005-05:002010-08-30T07:19:40.307-05:00Yesssss! (Part 1)<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.visitfingerlakes.com/images/welcome/satelite.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 500px; height: 375px;" src="http://www.visitfingerlakes.com/images/welcome/satelite.jpg" border="0" alt="" />Finger Lakes region, upstate New York</a><br /><br />I got back from my bike trip in New York a few days ago and I'm already wishing I had just stayed up there (and not just for the glorious weather). The trip kicked my ass and frustrated the hell out of me at times but it was something I definitely needed.<br /><br />The guy who put all this together, Eric, was a tent buddy of mine from the summer long, cross-country bike trip I had participated in a few years before, <a href="http://www.texas4000.org/">Texas 4000 for Cancer</a>. The night I flew into Rochester, another tent mate of ours from that trip and his girlfriend were also stopping into town for the night before heading on to Canada, and then back to their jobs in South Korea. Holy crap, it was awesome catching up with those guys, especially since the last time I saw either of them was at Eric's wedding a couple years ago. Ahhh memories. And since this was evidently an unofficial T4K reunion week, I also found out that a couple from that trip is getting married and November, and Eric and I <i>just</i> missed by a few hours seeing another guy from that year who was passing through Rochester the day we were heading back into town.<br /><br />Back to the actual bike trip... There were 6 of us who did the entire ride, one more who joined us for the last few days of riding, and Eric's wife came out and camped with us on our rest day. We would start on Sunday, end the following Saturday, and spend the time in between cycling and camping and even doing a little hiking in the Finger Lakes region. In addition to Eric and I there was Brett from Austin who did the original Texas 4000 ride and knew Eric and Shawn from another long distance bike ride they had done on the west coast, Eric's sister-in-law (her boyfriend was the one who joined us later), and 2 brothers from Texas who's connection to Eric and his wife I can't remember so I won't bore you with it.<br /><br />Despite us starting in a drizzle that turned into a steady rain at times, the first day was pretty awesome. Like I mentioned in the last post, this was the longest distance I had ridden in a couple years, but I felt good. Our campsite that night was absolutely gorgeous, right along a river in the middle of the woods, with our own mini falls right by the campsite. It was it's own adventure just getting into and out of that campsite (had to cross that river earlier on) and those mini falls gave me my first injury of the trip (scraped up arm and huge bruise on one hip) when I slipped trying to change levels.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizRLfY8m8unjEFzxIT4d1xp55f1YMTdG7nSPG5D7rReGIV4R5M63cZtpty8jtqiwoLrm57hAeeLu_TSE1kgoLt9hqYL0Shs19pRuzpi7Hjdo6-eD-XmjjVqvvvpyjT5xXy31tsaZGNSTA_/s400/023.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizRLfY8m8unjEFzxIT4d1xp55f1YMTdG7nSPG5D7rReGIV4R5M63cZtpty8jtqiwoLrm57hAeeLu_TSE1kgoLt9hqYL0Shs19pRuzpi7Hjdo6-eD-XmjjVqvvvpyjT5xXy31tsaZGNSTA_/s400/023.JPG" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><i>I busted my ass on those tiny little falls.</i><br /><br />The second day started on a massive uphill (once we had hiked back out of the forest and crossed the river again)... that I didn't even attempt to climb on the bike. Screw that noise, I've been living in one of the flattest cities in the US for almost 4 years now and didn't want to wear myself out before the day even really started. I figured I knew my limits, and this hill was past them right now. Unfortunately that wasn't the only hill I found myself walking up. On the flip side of that, we also had some massive downhills that I dominated to the tune of 42mph.<br /><br />As an aside, I really want to race Brett downhill sometime when we're both on decent bikes (he had Eric buy his for him in Rochester and pretty much his 1st time riding it was the 1st day of the trip) and not loaded down with extra gear. He was the only one who could really keep up with me on the descents... but he was actually pedaling while I was just tucking in an letting gravity and momentum do it's thing. One of the joys of being as compact as I am for my weight, is that I'm like a human ball bearing on downhills. I can tuck in real tight and gain a lot of speed in a short amount of time. This also helps me slingshot back over most or all of an uphill that closely follows a downhill. Unfortunately for me, that glorious 42mph descent was followed by the last 5 miles of that day, which was an almost constant, <i>steep</i> uphill, with the last bit of it on a rocky path leading to the campsite. It took me so long to finish those last few miles that the sun was setting on me as I finally made it into camp and I had to set up my tent in the almost dark.<br /><br />Day 3 didn't start out much better, with about a mile of climbing once we got out of the forest. After that however, we mostly just saw rolling hills that didn't pose much trouble along the first of the finger lakes. This day I started getting really frustrated with having to walk my bike up the steeper longer hills. I knew I had nothing to prove, to myself or the others, that I was a bit out of shape and that I have barely seen a hill on a bike since I left Austin. I also knew that I was going to finish this damn trip with all my gear and under my own power whether I was on the bike or off it. But all that time off the bike was starting to weigh on me and, no lie, it was a little soul-crushing.<br /><br />The next day was the shortest of the trip and mostly easy with the exception of 2 things. One, there was a deceptively long, steep, uphill that (surprise!) I had to walk up most of. In addition to the frustration, all this walking was really starting to <i>hurt</i>. The weight of my bike and gear (which actually wasn't that much, about 25lbs), the awkward angle I had to hold the bike at while walking it, and the cycling shoes which made it impossible to walk normally all combined to start giving me a nasty case of shin splints. I honestly didn't know what I was going to do at the next bad hill if it bot hurt to walk and ride my bike.<br /><br />The other major set back for me that day was waking up to discover I started my period. With a fucking vengeance. Now, this wasn't completely unexpected. I knew I'd have to deal with this at some point on the trip, but I thought I still had another day or 2 before it started. Upstate New York does have bears in it, and I bled over, well, pretty much everything in my tent. Not a good combination.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMjA1MzEyNDYxOF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTYwMTY2ODM2._V1._SX367_SY450_.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 367px; height: 450px;" src="http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMjA1MzEyNDYxOF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTYwMTY2ODM2._V1._SX367_SY450_.jpg" border="0" alt=""/></a><br /><i>Not this bad, but close.</i><br /><br />And now I'll take a TMI moment and say, for women who do any sort of long distance biking or hiking or camping, menstrual cups are a godsend! They last longer than a tampon, and you only need one, versus an untold number of pads and tampons. Added bonus, no waste you have to hike out with you!<br /><br />Anyways, while I was cleaning up and waiting for the rest of the group to wake up and get the day started, I decided I would stop in the last town before our campsite that night, grab a cheap hotel room, launder all my shit, and cramp and bleed in peace for one night. I told everyone it was my contribution to helping us not get eaten by bears at night. The next morning I would bike that last 10 or so miles to join the rest of the group at our rest day camp site.<br /><br /><i>The rest of the trip to continue in Part 2 when I get home from work.</i>bike groggettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02701471958360631859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6390365874702757121.post-20142100690287475792010-08-11T22:42:00.003-05:002010-08-11T22:49:49.607-05:00I'm squeeing with excitement over hereIn another day and a half I'll be on a plane heading to upstate New York for a week long self supported bike ride. It's the first time I've ever done a self supported ride (Texas 4000, while almost 10X longer a trip, was only semi self supported), my first ride with more than just a messenger bag, and I'll be doing more distance per day than I have since I still did the long weekend rides with a club down by my work. No matter, the guy who invited me up (who also did Texas 4000 with me) and I have been sending embarrassingly excited texts to each other all week. <br /><br />I can't fucking wait!bike groggettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02701471958360631859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6390365874702757121.post-66769648979813975472010-08-05T19:41:00.003-05:002010-08-05T19:53:10.985-05:00Dance like nobody’s watching, because they’re probably not.I've been thinking about some things recently, in regards to my relationship with my body and my relationship with, well, relationships, and how those interact. I was thinking about what to say here and if it was really worth saying (sadly, something I do way too often). It is worth saying, but some other wonderful ladies beat me to the punch so I'll now leave you in their capable hands.<br /><br /><object width="560" height="340"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/k7X7sZzSXYs&hl=en_US&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/k7X7sZzSXYs&hl=en_US&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="560" height="340"></embed></object><br /><br /><object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/M6wJl37N9C0&hl=en_US&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/M6wJl37N9C0&hl=en_US&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object><br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">How To Be Alone</span> via <a href="http://thebloggess.com/">The Bloggess</a>; Katie Makkai's <span style="font-style:italic;">Pretty </span>via <a href="http://www.youtube.com/user/andyradorfman#p/a/u/0/k7X7sZzSXYs">Andrea Dorfman</a>bike groggettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02701471958360631859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6390365874702757121.post-62352518229748925132010-07-13T22:04:00.003-05:002010-07-13T22:07:14.181-05:00It did make me laugh thoughDear Sir or Madam with the Palin bumper sticker, <br /><br />"Babies. Guns. Jesus." is not a legitimate political position. I mean, are you for or against?<br /><br />Sincerely,<br />groggettebike groggettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02701471958360631859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6390365874702757121.post-14855426997139623252010-06-28T18:16:00.003-05:002010-06-28T20:28:44.912-05:00Just Doing It For The Attention<span style="font-style:italic;">This post is going to be long and rambly and ranty, so apologies in advance.</span><br /><br /><blockquote>It has to be realized that if a woman or girl is upset about something, it's not just because she wants attention. And if she <i>does</i> want attention, maybe it's because she wants care. Is that something to dismiss? What happens when we do dismiss it? I'm not sure I want to know.</blockquote><br /><a href="http://jezebel.com/5573114/wanting-attention-isnt-such-a-bad-thing">This post</a> over on Jezebel hit home for me in a lot of ways, both in women's voices being devalued and in mental issues being devauled. And Tavi is a hell of a writer, no matter what her age is. I really wish I could have known someone with her awareness and wisdom when I was in middle school, because I was not that much younger than she is now the first time I attempted suicide.<br /><br />I couldn't tell you of any specific instances of someone telling me I was just doing something for attention as I was growing up (different story for as a grown up, more on that later) but I still knew that attitude was there, all around me. From growing up in a house where sick days didn't happen unless you were bleeding from your eyeballs or bone was showing, to just being aware of what was happening in society around me. You think I didn't hear what people would say if they heard about suicide, or attempted suicide, or worst of all (for me at the time), non suicidal self harm? All those people just seeking validation or craving attention.... maybe they were just praying for someone to notice them and didn't know how to ask for help because assholes keep on denigrating them at every turn. Just like me.<br /><br />The harm I did to myself wasn't for attention. I hid my scars and emotions even while I was desperate that someone, <i>anyone</i>, would notice the pain I was in. I knew what people said and thought about people like me, that we are selfish and attention whores. How the fuck was I supposed to ask for help when it was only "all in my head" and I'm evidently this horrible person anyway. When you keep hearing that message over and over again, how can you tell someone that it <i>hurts to live</i>?<br /><br />My parents and other adults certainly didn't notice my "cries for attention". They didn't know about the suicide attempts. They didn't know about the cutting. They didn't know about the exercise bulimia or the severe depression. They didn't know that I almost dropped out of college. They didn't really know anything until I came to them with less than a year to go in college and told them I didn't know if I could live any longer*. Was I attention whoring? No, I was trying desperately not to die and I knew I couldn't do it alone anymore. <br /><br />Flash forward several years to not all that long ago: I get a referral for a therapist (and a prescription, thankfully) from my doctor because I could feel that old familiar depression rearing it's ugly head again and I didn't want a repeat of my last year of college. My time with this therapist lasted for all of one fucking session. Actually less than that because I shut down half way through. I didn't tell him that around this same time I was researching inpatient psychiatric hospitals in town that I could voluntarily commit myself to. I did tell him about my very vivid and detailed suicide fantasies, that I could barely bring myself to go to work, and I had mostly stopped hanging out with friends. He told me in return that my life wasn't that bad and that I only had minor depression, if I was depressed at all. Needless to say, I got significantly worse before I got better.<br /><br />This. This is what happens when we dismiss a woman or girl for "attention seeking". People die, or come damn close to it.<br /><br />And what happens when people don't wait until rock bottom like I did to let people know something is wrong? We are often meet with attitudes like <a href="http://jezebel.com/comment/25117681/">this</a>:<br /><blockquote>Empathy and sympathy are a matter of negotiation, in all but the absolute closest human relationships. There are exceptions for extreme situations of course, or misfortunes that are out of anybody's control, but the bargain usually is: I agree to give you that shoulder to cry on, that sympathetic ear, if <span style="font-weight:bold;">you </span>agree to at least hear me out when it comes to figuring out how to address your problem and move forward. <br />...<br />Problems where I can't directly be part of the solution just don't attract much of my mental energy.</blockquote><br />See, it's not really about the person actually suffering at all.<br /><br />What people like this guy don't understand is, just getting to that point where you can <i>talk</i> to someone about what is going on is huge for a lot of people, and a form of therapy itself. There's a reason there are sayings like "I need to get this off my chest". Cheryl can attest, there have been times I've called/texted her just to say, "I really need to vent. Are you free tonight?" And beyond that, you honestly think we haven't considered different options at all? Asshole. That brilliant advice you just dropped on us was probably something we've heard <i>and tried</i> 20 times before and <i>it doesn't work</i>. So instead of getting a sympathetic ear and a chance to unpack some of our problems, we're branded as ungrateful, stupid, attention seekers. Great. And on a related tangent, if someone comes to you with an issue and you don't know if they want advice or just to unload, <a href="http://daniellecorsetto.com/GWS745.html">ASK</a>!<br /><br />I've talked almost exclusively about the worst aspects of the "attention seeking" meme, but this shit is pervasive in even the most mundane shit. It's part of the reason I'm fiercely independent. Part of why I almost never show my art or poetry to other people. Why even friends and family don't know about huge events in my life until I'm weeks or days away from moving, or major surgery, or by the way, did you know I added/dropped a major? Why even here, I police myself more often than not because even though only a whopping 2 or 3 people can attach a face to my words I don't want those 2 or 3 people to freak out at something I say and get frantic (but well-meaning) phone calls, or have my words used against me by someone less than well-meaning. It doesn't matter if I need help, or want advice, or just want to brag about something awesome I've done. It's all attention seeking behavior and I'm not supposed to do that.<br /><br />Fuck that noise.<br /><br /><br />*I should probably apologize to my friends who were living with me at the time, a couple of which read my drivel. I dropped a major bomb on you guys at this time and you really helped me. So I'm sorry for waiting so long to let you know what was happening and I'm so fucking thankful for y'all sticking by me. Smooches!bike groggettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02701471958360631859noreply@blogger.com1